in which there is anxiety and impatience and neither matter

There is so so so much going on right now, folks. Things went from, Hey, check that out, I could do about anything right now, what do I want to do? to I think I might want to do these things, to I have conflicted feelings, to WHELP, I GUESS WE ARE DOING A THING NOW, in very quick order. If you’ve heard something sort of hard to believe about us recently, it might actually be true! But hey, keep it to yourself for a minute, because we’re still telling folks and making plans.

I’m not getting into it details right now because nothing is actually set in stone and I have people who need I need to speak with first (VAGUEBLOGGING, everybody’s favorite), but I’ve hit at least 85% of my people so far. I’m still missing 4 super- important folks, at least, though, so mum’s the word til the end of the week. (Hey, J. Lunch on Saturday? Yes? Of course, yes.)

I’m writing because I’m a jumble of nerves and excess energy and it has to go somewhere. I feel like Hugo when he hasn’t had a good walk; bouncing off the walls, all anxiety brain and unperformed action. Bark, friends. Bark bark bark bark bark. I want to get a coffee with Cacie and ask for coping skills but coffee is probably the very last thing I need right now. My brain is full of stupid, silly contradictions that aren’t in alignment with my inner self; I need to stop and re- center so much it’s almost ridiculous. Anxiety brain is for the birds, y’all.

It’s all irrelevant, though. This period will pass (all things pass) and relatively quickly, too; I’ll come back to stillness and things will settle. It’s my impatience that’s the true issue;  I want things over and done with, I want to know the outcome, I want the space and time to just press through the work and be done already. Whoa. How greedy is that, right?

There’s a woman I know very vaguely from when we were in grammar school. She told me this story of when we were little: when were would eat lunch it struck her as funny that I’d always eat my bag lunch first, dessert after. I mean, “dessert” was usually fruit or a roll- up or whatever, but still, it was the best part. Some other kids, they’d tear into dessert first, then see if there was room for their sandwich, but apparently that wasn’t my thing. It’s a funny image. It stuck with her, and her telling me that stuck with me. I don’t remember that at all, and at the time I interpreted it as my having been a somewhat over- controlled child. “Dinner before dessert” is a motto for me, though. There’s something to that level of discipline, reinforced through the service: let’s just get through the not- as- fun parts so we can really lay back and enjoy the good stuff.

I’m feeling impatient now. Anxious, too. Worried over an uncertain future, okay, but since when is the future not uncertain? Every future is uncertain— even yours, Gentle Reader- who- might- not- be- enacting- any- immediate- change. Even yours. We just don’t think about it when we aren’t doing anything significant to change it. Boof, that’s easy to forget. That’s one of those things we likely need to forget in order to live our daily lives, but it’s helpful to hold on to in this moment: it’s all in the air, always. Submission**, etc, etc.

(It’s like you can watch me talking myself down, right?)

It’s good. I don’t have to be cool all the time. I don’t want to be cool all the time. I most definitely, certainly, 100% am not cool all the time, in case you were wondering, and if I’ve ever given that impression, shame on me, seriously. If you’ve met me in meatspace you definitely already know, I’m just letting the folks on the internet in on the secret, especially with this post. It’s normal to be a bit of a mess at times, and it’s fine to let other people see that occasionally.

Plan of attack: put on pants, Post Office, errands, wellness studio for short shift (hooray!), spend evening doing comfort activities with family. I’m thinking sorbet, fizzy water, dog- snuggling, and casting on some Dragonfly Fibers for a test knit, maybe a board game. I SHOULD be doing the embellishment of two test pieces I have in the works (a pattern I worked up in DK and fingering versions, Dragonfly Fibers and Neighborhood Fiber Co, so close to being ready) but I think that’s more daytime work.

What are you working on right now, friends? Yarn things or otherwise. I just want to know. And hey, don’t be afraid of the video contest on the entry from the 5th! There’s cashmere in that trunk, folks. I’ve had people promise videos but there’s nothing up yet- c’mon, let’s see what you’ve got. You don’t have to show your face, and you don’t have to go too far out of the box! Make a sandwich, make jewelry, make up your friend’s face, make a cable stitch. Show us stuff. 🙂

(Ooooh, hey, before I go: side note. Anyone want to do a test knit? DK or fingering, two complimentary & contrasting colors, 400 yds one color, 200 yds second, skills required are knit, purl, knitting in the round, basic embroidery. I can’t supply yarn but you get the pattern and you get to keep your sample; you’re free to put it up on Rav as well- I’d prefer it!- although please no identifying details until we go live, and you will be credited in the pattern notes. Drop me an email!)

(Last side note, I swear: I’ve updated the de-stash. I keep doing that and forgetting to tell folks on the blog. There’s a model that is doomed, right? I put up some Hawaiian Bobtail Squid in Traveller and Barberpole Hopper in Skinny Bugga, too- that was our rainbow self- striping colorway. Oh, and two things I kind of hid on the second page, half hoping nobody buys them because they’re lovely fall colors and maybe I’m going to keep them for myself? IS THIS A DESTASH OR NOT, SARAH. MAKE UP YOUR MIND.)

Barber Pole Hopper!

Barber Pole Hopper!

(**It is interesting to witness how very much I am actively engaging in my Buddhism these past two years, btw. I know folks tend to draw on their faiths in difficult periods, but Buddhism isn’t a precisely a faith, so I found this a little surprising. A subject for a different post, but it has been a strange and wonderful ride.)

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