in which there is possibly too much talk of keelhauling

working basket, May 2013

working basket, May 2013

You guys. YOU GUYS. I can’t even begin to address the enormous outpouring of love and support you’ve been sending my way over the last few days. It’s really amazing. THANK YOU. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. I have so many comments and emails to respond to, and it’s a little overwhelming, but I needed to tell you how much it all means to me. It isn’t why I started writing here again, but it means the world to me.

Things have been good here. Slow, silly, a little mad, but in a good way. As my leg grows increasingly useless, I’ve begun to imagine myself as the key figure in a ’70s pirate-sploitation flick. (I know, I know. But in my world, these things definitely DO exist.) I limp my way through the house, menacing my family, shouting “BEWARE, DEADLEG EYRE IS COMING FOR YOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!” and generally threatening to keelhaul anyone who displeases me. That guy who just drove down our street at about 50 mph? KEELHAULING. The person in the Netherlands who tried to fraudulently charge $11.53 to our business Paypal? DOUBLE KEELHAULING. Is that even possible? Deadleg Eyre doesn’t even care, we’re giving it a try.

I should probably cut down on the keelhauling talk before the home nurse shows up. I don’t do so well with IVs— tiny, fussy veins and a bad experience with an overly- confident nurse- in- training— and threatening my medical professionals with obscure forms of pirate- murder is probably a terrible idea.

So- it’s strange here. And that’s good. We are not sure what will happen- will this treatment work? Will I get my leg back? Will the strength in my left hand return?- but we are retreating to our standard comfort behaviors, and they are working. For anyone in a similar place, those behaviors are:

  • Make believe, usually somehow incorporating whatever is happening to our bodies
  • Comfort food (braised cabbage in cream, Lebanese, fancy- schmancy ice cream, roasted vegetables, quinoa salads, AVOCADO EVERYTHING, all of the tea)
  • Watching everything ever made that even vaguely relates to Sherlock Holmes
  • Family nail- painting parties
  • Knitting
  • Board games
  • Painting teeny tiny canvases

I want to make an enormous vat of borscht to take us through this, but that takes most of a day and I’m meant to be resting, so I think Sam might shake me if I take that on. Even the fierce pirate Deadleg Eyre can’t dispute that spending a full day making delicious soup isn’t really “resting”. That’s okay, though. There’s plenty of time for borscht once I’m done with IV therapy.

In the meantime, I have this guy watching over me…

Barrett on nurse duty, May 2013

Barrett on nurse duty, May 2013

… and I’m hopeful about things, and I have a plan for the next five days or so. And that’s all right.

  One thought on “in which there is possibly too much talk of keelhauling

  1. May 3, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    I am of the opinion Veselka needs home delivery. If Jeni’s can do ice cream on dry ice, they can do borscht, damn it!

  2. May 3, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Deadleg Eyre is a fantastic pirate name, at least. In my experience black kitties make for the best nurse kitties, so I bet that one will take great care of you.

  3. CJ
    May 3, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    That looks so much like our Seymour! He’s a nurse kitty. Loves it when I have a migraine and must be still. xoxo I’m glad to know that other people comfort themselves with pirates and borscht! If I was closer I would SO bring some over!! Love to you all and I will send the spirit of my nurse from today who took a vat of my blood (from my tiny recalcitrant veins) and I didn’t feel a thing! ❤

  4. Gail
    May 3, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    More love… lots and lots more! I’d bring you borscht if I didn’t have to drive across a continent to do it. As it is, I join you in making believe. Mine is that your body is chrysalis… merely in temporary transformation mode. Arrgh!! Beware the deadly Pirate Butterfly all who think to assail such as she!

  5. Michelle Lisenbee
    May 3, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    I want to be like you when I grow up. ❤

  6. May 3, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    It’s good to hear you cracking pirate jokes. Arrgh!

    For your leg, would a stance control brace help? I have another friend who uses one, so I asked her what it was called.

    Since you like avocadoes, here’s my favorite recipe for blender avocado soup:

    3 ripe avocados
    2 1/2 cups chicken stock
    1 teaspoon curry powder
    1 teaspoon salt
    1/4 teaspoon white pepper
    1/2 cup tart plain yogurt

    Blend the avocadoes with the chicken stock 1 avocado at a time (it looks like it will all fit, but if you try to do it all at once, you will get a nasty green explosion!), then mix with seasonings and yogurt in a bowl. It’s supposed to make 4 servings, but for me it usually makes 2 or 3. 🙂
    The recipe is from _Recipes for the Specific Carbohydrate Diet_ by Raman Prasad.

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