I'm learning all of these tricks lately- getting some ideas as to how to manage the entire MS mess- so many things to watch, to lose, to monitor, all the accessories and accoutrements, finding and refining my routines.

I'm a creature of habit. I do well with change within the change itself, but if you tell me change is coming I'll dread it, and after the change has arrived and I've made it through the heat of the moment I am immediately looking for my new patterns. It's part of an obsessive nature (my obsessive nature); I am always looking for ways to more perfectly line up all my shoes, and the chaos of major change is a prime opportunity for that sort of thing.

Setting new habits is a process which starts out with looking like no process at all: I watch, and notice, and note. I move something, watch some more, move it again: it begins looking like like a complete mess, but I try to form my patterns around problems instead of forcing everything into a rigid, preplanned structure that might turn out to be useless. Most of the process is relaly just in observation.

Some things I've observed recently:

  • Fatigue is not weakness, it is a medical condition and the only cure is rest. Also, related: fatigue does not play fair in Feats Of Strength.
  • If you wouldn't eat somewhere, taking pills there is unhygenic and there is NO WAY I'm doing a shot there.
  • People say stupid things because they don't know better. It is usually not their fault. This does not mean I have to put up with it.
  • Going into my bedroom and seeing all my drugs laid out on my dresser makes me feel like an invalid, and that makes me pretty damned crazy- pants.
  • I hate anyone watching me inject. I wouldn't mind teaching someone how to take a sub- cut shot, but otherwise, can I have a little privacy, please?
  • It is not silly to have frilly accessories to drugs. Taking my pills out of my little bluebird dish makes me happy.
  • If I want to call it "shooting up," I will and you, Mr. -Shared- Solutions- guy- who- doesn't- take- injectable- medication, you can quit that lecture RIGHT. NOW. I'll call it "riding the goddamned ferris wheel" if I want to, because while it may not be pretty, it is all mine. Stop fucking calling me if you don't appreciate my language; I certainly do not appreciate yours.
  • I do not have to be pleasant because I am sick. I will try to play nice with others, but it's okay to have cranky days, and if people are unpleasant they'll get the appropriate response.
  • Cats and cakes make everything better. If cats fail, go for the mixer, which is a long way of saying try cats first, then cakes.

  One thought on “observations

  1. Safeena
    February 26, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    The drugs on the dresser are very depressing, always there to remind you that everything is not all-OK. CatDaddy got me a lovely big-arse train case / makeup case from Sephora to corral my drugs, which is does and it keeps the cats away from my stuff.

  2. February 27, 2010 at 8:42 am

    And if you don’t have the energy to make a cake, send someone on a donut run. 😀
    Safeena has a good point about the makeup case – I have a big silver fabric train case that I don’t use (came with a set) if you want it.

  3. February 27, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Good for you!! 🙂

  4. February 27, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    It seems like so much of the chronic illness process really is just getting used to the idea. I have to admit, while my fibromyalgia is often under control, more than 15 years after my diagnosis, I’m still not used to it. Your observations on fatigue are spot on.
    I don’t comment here as often as I should given how often I read, but I wanted to say that it resonated with me. We’re dealing with different issues, but the chronic part is there, and it’s just hard. Your grace and humor always shine through in posts of this sort. Here’s wishing you respite from the difficult times and the idiots.
    And cakes? Cakes are good medicine.

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