text messages, again

A collection/ assortment (in some places slightly edited) of the texts currently in my phone. I love how, taken out of context, they make my life seem so much more… complicated? Surreal? Bizarre? My phone makes my life look more interesting, that’s for sure.

What is is with these commercials and their terrible grammar? "My clothes fit looser!" "It works so good!"… seriously?

Le sigh.

I am, in fact, dumber now.

And a jihad on you and your family. The blood will never rest between us now.


Having the worst day: wife leaves for AZ, overloaded at work, fucked by work security, now headed to Dulles airport to send friend to war zone. Awesome.

They have Johnny Walker Blue at the airport. I think that’s a sign.

That pretty much sums up Mormonism as a whole!

Did you know Wendy’s is making a fish filet sandwich?

Found the gravestone!

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